Ev’rything’s Coming Up Dusty

*I started looking at more posts to recycle from my past music writings, for inspiration to point me in a new direction at least, and here’s one of my better things from 2 1/2 years ago*

So, while doing laundry long overdue, I realized it had been a long time since I picked a soundtrack to my Sunday.

And at this point I trying to pick myself up after a long time of forgetting myself. And what am I without my love of music really…and chances are its gonna be something from my immense catalog of Dusty, Dinah, Diana, Martha Kim or Dionne…

Since I mentioned Dusty first, you can probably see where I’m going with this….

So flipping thru my stack of 1000 CDs the one that stood out to me most was “Evrythings Coming Up Dusty” which was her 2nd lp released in britian (her 5th in total) in the 2nd half of 1965…

About a year ago, I wrote a blog about how I thought her version of “Wishin & Hopin” was a dating manual for gay men. Its compounded by me thinking that, given Springfields habit of hanging out in West End Drag clubs…and her own homosexuality made her view of romance, for gay men that see their morals thru a diva, more accurate…

So, “Won’t be Long” comes on, and maybe for the first time in 30 hours, or the whole year I feel electrified “here I am, standin by the railroad track, waitin for my baby, he’s a comin back” and then I die a lil bit, cause what man is coming back, as the lp continues its play order, to her cover of “Oh No Not My Baby” and I start to see why fate made me pick it up, heh..my head in the sand, my denials thinking that “Long after tonight was all over” I’d be his, forever in a day…

“So who can I turn to?” apparently the last note I wrote proves you can turn to the most unlikely sources, for comfort, for compassion, you can only complain about being alone in pain, if you say something and no one heeds your call (thanks Jason, thank you Paul, Thank you Eric and Erica, and the theoretical brick)

You know, its been a long long time since I doodled, and when “Doodlin” laid it on me “those weird designs, they only show what goin on it witty minds, so when doodle then yo noodle is flyin high, just might a thought you caught will coppin a whim, doodle takes you beyond what you think, then you are whatcha think” and in that moment I missed my old sketch pads, the charcoal smudges in my wall, the randomness of me drawing, which I only do now when I’m bored and have absolutely no internet access…I could be doodling for hours now, but I haven’t in 5 years, spend a whole day covered in charcoal, putting what was in my mind on paper, but not in words…and I stop, and hope, somehow its still there, and that this isn’t somehow letting events smother my soul…

“If it all works out” passes…and it does, cause Cheyenne says it does…and I’m starting to see that this lp is part of my soul. On December 2nd, I’m on “That’s how heartaches are made” that, actually, in the 30 hours, yes I’m hurt, but I know its my fault, with all the warning signs and words of caution, I really did fall in love with a monumental asshole, again

“Pretty soon the day would come, where’d I be the sorry one, but I said I’m not afraid”

Well…..yeah it hurts still, but I can stand in the fear and shadows of where my actions take me..so a sigh, and the organ swells, and I throw up my hands and change the pastels to the dryer…

“It was easier to hurt him” cause when I retaliated to those words, he said, what I said, was hurtful to him. I should have told him, that I needed him, over a year ago, and maybe before his ego started to swell, and think he was every guys fancy..I may have had a chance…but it was easier to build him up, and then when I was hurt, tear it all down, wasn’t it?

So “I’ve been wrong before” and I am again…but I’m hoping this time I’m a bit more wise and “I can’t hear you no more” cause I’m tired of all they lyin and alibin, never straightforward, the ironies of a psychology major not in tune with his own, or others emotions, therefore a bag of mixed messages…

And I lay my hopes and dreams at the last two songs

“I had a talk with my man last night” cause, I can dream that one day, I will have a man strong and tender, that’ll sit on my bed with me and comfort the tears when I need him to. To set my alarm and give me a peck on the cheek goodnight. One day I can stop attempting to be that man for someone else, or at least have it mutually happen…and again I hope, and it warm

And then I’m “packin up” and movin outta town, cause I’m no longer chained, and I’m no longer bound

I gotta brand new coats, got new shoes
Gotta brand new diamond ring
Gotta man that gives me evrything!

Not to sound like a crash consumer, but it would be just wonderful, for once to get showered with love and affection, and a few gifts…

Thank you Dusty, for always pulling me up, I hope this makes you smile…and laugh, and that the better day I’m promised, by believing in the words you sang, are out there for me…



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